My Epic Grindr Fails

You know how it goes:

– You chat with someone

– They turn out to be an idiot

– You screenshot the chat and send it to your friend on Whatsapp

So allow me to present some of my most epic fails in recent history. (And when you’re done, check out other cool ones here)

Want your own epic chat fails to be featured on this blog?

Send a screenshot of the fail to: therealshit11@gmail.com

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

14

15

Stay tuned for more…

Happy hunting!

You Fucking Idiot

So yesterday, Lebanon and I had one thing in common: we both got fucked.

Lebanon was hit by the Zeina storm (floods, strong wind, billboards falling on the street, Byblos port practically drowning) and I… was struck by sickness.

As I lay in my bed sneezing my ass off, covered under two piles of blankets, I started experiencing what any red-blooded mammal experiences when they’re this sick and cold: the love blues.

You know how it is. You might think of a past relationship, the reasons why it didn’t work out, or how, if the circumstances were different, he would have been snuggling with you and massaging your head as the outside world falls apart. It’s basically a pathetic moment. Absolutely normal. But pathetic.

That’s when my dad enters the room. I don’t know how he built the courage to enter that germ fest, but he does. And I know exactly what he’s gonna do. It’s something he’s been doing since I was born. He walks towards my bed, lifts up the two blankets covering my legs, and caresses my freezing feet. In an instant, I go from 27 to 5 years old, and giggle out loud like a child.

Then I think to myself: “You idiot. You fucking idiot”.

I’m craving that love and affection from a man who consciously chose to walk out of my life, when there’s an unconditional love lying in the other room, which I’ve neglected. That 27-year-in-the-making love that doesn’t check your text messages, get jealous, or emotionally abuse you. That kind of love that just wants you to be happy.

Now sure, there are some things a parent can’t offer. Like my dad will not go down on me when I have morning wood. But it’s good to recognize the purity of that “original” love. The feelings you have for your parents, your sister, your brother… that’s also love. It’s probably the longest-lasting love you’ll ever have. And that’s fucking awesome.

IMG_20150107_012308

You Know Nothing, Beirut Boy

After 7 years of livin’ la vida gay

After 601 published posts

After coming out (and being outed) to my family

After falling in love 3 times

After dumping and getting dumped 6 times

After 70 nights of getting shit-faced at a gay club

After weeks of waitressing and serving hundreds of drunk lesbians

After 2 years of non-stop hustling at my day job

After 60 blowjobs

After 11 ecstasy pills and 65 Marlboro Light packs

After 100 kisses, 20 fucks, 2 orgies, 75 one night stands

I can honestly say that I’ve learned absolutely nothing.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I have learned how to take dick pretty well. But that’s about it.

The more I feel, the less I know.

The more I go out, and live, and love, the more I realize I know nothing.

I can give life advice and relationship tips to you and my friends all day long, bass walla, I’m just as clueless as you are.

And you know what? We’re 20-something, we’re gay, we live in Lebanon, under abnormal circumstances. We’re not supposed to know everything. We’re supposed to be beautifully complex (otherwise known as “fucked up”) creatures who know absolutely nothing. This is the time for loving hard, hating harder, living fast, trial and error (lots of error), bad decisions, regrets, and the occasional wonderful surprises.

So here’s to all of us, who know absolutely nothing.

Untitled-1

Faking It

Let me pretend you’re not Syrian and travelin to Europe in a week. Pretend I’m not Lebanese and wishing I was back in Europe.

Pretend this isn’t a one night thing. A one afternoon thing. A two hour thing.

Pretend I don’t know I’m cute. That you’re the first guy to tell me I have a nice smile.

Pretend I don’t have gym after this. The only thing I wanna be lifting is you.

Pretend I’m not tired. I promise you I’m into this. No, I’m not drop dead exhausted after work.

Pretend I’m not sleeping. I’m just laying my head on the pillow seductively.

Pretend I’m ripped. Suck in my stomach a bit as I take off my shirt.

Pretend yours is the first dick I see. I haven’t had one taste so good before.

Pretend I don’t know where this is headed. This is not a one nighter. See the way I kiss you? It’s forever.

Pretend like I’m the first guy who touches you like that. Like I’m the only one who can make you cum like that.

Pretend that I’m into cuddling. I see it in the movies. See? I’m a total romantic.

Pretend that when I lay my head on your chest, I’m in love.

Pretend that I’m your boyfriend. If only for a minute.

Pretend that I’ve finally found the one.

Pretend that we’re in our own little heaven. Sleeping together in a room overlooking the Pacific. Not in an apartment you share with flatmates.

Pretend that after this, we’ll go out for a walk holding hands.

Pretend that I’m totally comfortable sleeping like that on your hand. Can’t you hear me breathing hard?

Pretend that I don’t have a runny nose. I don’t need a tissue. I sniff back the snot.

Pretend that this is intimacy. What I’ve always been looking for.

Pretend that when you kiss my hand, I get butterflies in my stomach.

Pretend that as I spoon you and sniff your hair, I’m surrendering. Breakin down the walls so many before you have built.

Pretend that I’m gonna see you again after this. It’ll be a dinner. Made by me. Candles and everything.

Pretend that the last kiss we share at the door isn’t our last. It’s only the beginning.

Gays in Advertising

Many international brands have realized that they actually can profit from being pro-gay.

Here are some cool ads that cater to the gay consumer.

If you have a “Gay Ad” that you’d like to share, send it through the comment box!

Check out the ads by…

GAP

CHEVROLET

ABSOLUT

SKYY

RAY BAN

TYLENOL PM

SNICKERS

AMERICAN AIRLINES

DIESEL

JC PENNEY

JC PENNEY

AMBASSADOR SCOTCH

PEPSI

_ _ _ _ _

pic sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

_ _ _ _ _ _

Click here to check out my Twitter page!


Should I Look or Should I Touch?

“We’re on a break”.

That’s what he said.

The “he” is a guy I met last week at a party. 5 minutes into our dancing, we were making out and doin some over-the-jeans-action on the dance floor.

I wanted to get to know him better cause he looks like an interesting person (plus he’s cute). So during our online chat, he tells me he’s on a break with his boyfriend who’s out of the country.

A part of me is saying “Fuck your boyfriend. Long distance never works”, while another part of me is telling me to stay away and not get in this mess.

I most probably won’t get in the mess. It’s not like i’m obsessed with him.

But I was wondering what YOU think.

Do you think you could date a guy who’s on a break with his boyfriend? Or would you rather wait until they’ve actually broken up and it’s less messy?

_ – _ – _ – _ –

pic source