Here’s something that I’ve had to learn the hard way.
Hope it saves you some heartache.
People change their mind.
And their heart will follow.
I see us in a cheap restaurant bathroom at 5 am. You say: “Go inside and pee while you look at the floor.” I say: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re drunk”. You jump around like a kid: “I’m serious. Do it. It’s very trippy”. You were totally right.
I see you at grandpa’s funeral. It was the first time I see you cry. I see me wanting to steal that pain from you. I see me failing.
I see me lying alone in your bed. Young, free, late for work. I hear some weird noise getting louder and louder, getting closer and closer towards the bedroom door. You enter holding a cake singing Happy Birthday.
I see you in your swimsuit, throwing up in the bathroom. I see me patting you on the back while drinking my 10th cup of tap water. I had never felt so alive.
I see us in bed. I see you telling me “I love you”. I see me smiling, not knowing what to say.
I see us hungover, sitting on a bench at Ain Mreisseh watching the sunrise. Knowing everything. And knowing nothing at all.
I see you telling me: “I wanted to drive the car through a wall so that we both die. I would rather do that than have a son who’s gay”. I see me believing you.
I see you in drag, changing your outfit every 5 minutes. I had never seen you more free.
I see me having a smoke on your balcony. You say: “I don’t believe in God, either”. On the outside, I gently nod. On the inside, I am ecstatic.
I see me having a bad trip in the bedroom, whirling around like a Sufi dervish. “If this is death, I beg you, I don’t want to die”, I screamed inside my head.
I see you outside Bardo. Kissing someone. You looked very happy.
I see a lettuce and a cabbage lying next to each other in a sad grocery store, and I burst out laughing. No people would think it’s hilarious but you and I. I see me almost texting you. Almost.
I see you naked. Eyes closed. Flesh rotting. I see me trying to look for you. I see me thinking to myself: “I don’t understand. Where is he?”. I lean over, kiss your cold skin, and never see you again.
I see me walking under the Eiffel Tower at midnight, nine hours before my flight back home. I see people screaming. I look up at the Tower and see the sparkling lights. I see myself thinking: “You might not know shit, but you’re on the right track, kid”.
So my friend was visiting Lebanon from the States last month. He would tell you eating at Roadster and ZwZ were the highlights of his trip, but I also know he secretly enjoyed the many facepalm moments courtesy of Grindr.
His fails put mine to shame. “Waiter at Moulin D’or”? Epicness.
Enjoy, and keep sending your epic Grindr fails to email@example.com. Because remember, your fail can make a difference. Well, not really. But it’ll make someone LOL. And that’s almost as awesome.
As a gay kid, I used to feel like I was the only gay kid in the world. Heck, I used to feel like the only gay human being in the world. Well that’s until I saw other “gayer” and more flamboyant gay kids at school, but that’s another story.
Sorry, I digress…
Nowadays, I feel like there are so many gay people around that I’m just another number. I don’t feel as special. And you know what? It hurts.
But again, I digress.
So ever since re-installing my Grindr Xtra (yes, I have Grindr Xtra and I’m not afraid to say it or use it) in mid-October, I’ve chatted with 1114 guys. That’s 1114 guys in 3 months! People, that’s one thousand one hundred and fourteen guys in 90 days. That’s an average of 12.37 guys for each of those 90 days. Now I’m sure there are many of you out there with higher numbers, but still, it amazes me.
First of all, I didn’t know there were this many gay people in the country. And that’s coming from a gay guy.
Second of all… no words, really. Let’s just leave it at that.
So there’s this girl who’s been uploading videos on Facebook, telling her friends how homosexuality is “a grave sin in God”.
And that’s fine.
I mean… she’s a homophobe. And that’s how a homophobe speaks. That’s not why I’m blogging about this.
I’m just concerned about her friends. At the end of one of her videos, she says: “Homosexual people do have a choice, big time. You can do something about it. You can do it on your own or you can use some help. And I offer free help“.
She’s offering free help! Ya mama! That’s why I’m blogging about this. I would hate for anyone to go to her for some help and guidance.
So if you’re this girl’s friend, coworker, or family member, who’s still figuring out things and sexuality, just know… it’s okay. You’re amazing just the way you are. Not just in a Bruno Mars kind of way. You don’t need a shrink. You don’t need her to “change” because you don’t NEED to “change”. Being gay is awesome. You don’t need to repent. You can still believe in God like some of my friends do, or not. Doesn’t matter. You’ll still be alright. Don’t go to her for guidance. Hit me up. We can go have a drink or party (yes, even if you’re underage. I’m not a regular boy. I’m a cool boy). I’ll tell you all about being gay. I’ll show you how it’s awesome. I’ll hook you up. It’s all good.
Check out the girl’s videos on Facebook below. They have funny moments. But they’re mostly sad. Oh, and you can watch her in HD.
You know how it goes:
– You chat with someone
– They turn out to be an idiot
– You screenshot the chat and send it to your friend on Whatsapp
So allow me to present some of my most epic fails in recent history. (And when you’re done, check out other cool ones here)
Want your own epic chat fails to be featured on this blog?
Send a screenshot of the fail to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Stay tuned for more…