How I found the one and shat all over it

All my life, I dreamt of how I’d meet prince charming. I’d drop some books on the street and he’d help me pick them up. I’d be on the bus and he’d take a seat next to me.

But screw those cliches.

I met my prince charming at an orgy.

Didn’t know what to expect when I walked into that room. It was my first time at an orgy so I was nervous as hell. Told the guy who invited me I wouldn’t participate; would just watch and satisfy the voyeur in me.

Saw the people. No one was my type. No one. Except this guy. While people were getting freaky inside, there was one guy who sat on the sofa watching TV in his undies. He looked cute. But I didn’t know how cute he was until later on. I was too intimidated to make a move and went inside to see all the action.

15 minutes later, I started getting in the mood. I took my shirt off and got a hard on at all the sights I was seeing. Took a break and got out of the room. Oh shit! I see Mister Right wearing his clothes and getting ready to leave.

Ummm… no. This hot guy won’t slip away from my fingers. You know how hard it is to find The One at an orgy? Very. I decided: “There’s no way in hell he’s leaving”.

So I head over to him. He was talking to the orgy organizer who was convincing him to stay. “Yeah, man. Don’t leave”, I say, and introduce myself. I put my hands on him and unbutton his shirt. He smiles.

Fuck, this guy’s not cute. He’s hot. He’s the perfect hot boy next door. The epitome of my type. With the perfect smile. And it seemed that he liked me as well… because he didn’t leave. He took his shirt off and stripped back to his underwear.

I grab his hand and usher him to the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. I’m not gonna fuck prince charming in front of everyone on the bed. This is personal. This is romance. This is our first time.

Now we’re in the bathroom. Both in our underwear. Kissing passionately. Sparks are flying. I couldn’t believe I got that lucky at an orgy. I might just end up with true love Instead of ending up with an STD. I remove his underwear and put his cock in my mouth. Suck on it like you would your lover. His moans… oh, his manly moans. Was like sucking off a straight guy. Total turn on.

My ass was ready. I grab a condom and put it on him. Some lube, and he was inside me.

“Ahhh… fuck”, we both screamed.

We were one. United. He could feel my insides beating and I could sense him throbbing inside me. What better feeling?

As he’s fucking me hard, I smell something fishy. Could it be? No, it can’t be.

I look at him and he has the most horrified look on his face.

“What’s wrong?”, I ask.

“Ummm…”, he mumbled.

I don’t think he had the heart to say it. Or the stomach.

I take his cock out of my ass and look at it.

Shit! (Not the expression. But the actual feces.)

“Oh my God”, I screamed out loud. There was actual shit on his dick.

I came to the orgy unprepared and didn’t clean my ass. What was I thinking? How could I let someone fuck me without emptying my fucking bowels?

Do you know the meaning of the word “mortified”? I was mortified. Ever since that night, I use that word wisely. Because nothing… and I mean nothing… is more mortifying that taking a dump on a beautiful guy (unless he asks for it which is a totally different scenario).

“Sorry, man. I didn’t clean. I’m so sorry”, I was embarrassed.

“It’s okay, it happens”. Sweet words, but the boy was traumatized.

I stand up and touch my ass. It wasn’t just the hole. There was shit on my fucking cheeks. Like, really? Is this really happening? By now, the whole room smelled like a sewer. I take a tissue, clean up a bit, try to salvage the situation.

Now he’s getting ready to leave because his boner’s dead.

He reassures me: “It’s okay”. He cleans himself up.

But I didn’t want him to leave. I was adamant on making this work. This shit won’t slow me down.

I make him sit down, remove the now chocolate-colored condom, and play with his dick. I suck that mother off like there’s no tomorrow, all while trying to act like I don’t smell the shit. He’s trying to focus as well. I mean, there’s shit all over the place. Even a bit on my hands.

The guy’s a trooper. He cums. He actually enjoyed it. I could tell. Either that or he was so in a hurry to get the fuck out that he forcibly released that shit.

He came and he was out of there faster than you can say
“heydon’tleaveyou’retheonesorryIshatalloveryoucanIpleasegetyournumber”.

And he was out of there. And I was left all alone in that bathroom to pick up the pieces. And clean the shit.

I told the orgy organizer what happened and told him to contact him on Whatsapp and give him my number. He never contacted me. A part of me was offended. Another part of me was like “duhh you idiot”.

That night, I learned two things.

– Never have sex without cleaning up

– Love conquers all. But not shit.

4 thoughts on “How I found the one and shat all over it

  1. aguywithoutboxers July 19, 2014 / 6:49 pm

    What can I say? Shit happens. Just know you’re not alone. It’s probably happened to more of us than are willing to admit. Thanks! Much love and naked hugs!🙂

  2. meows July 27, 2014 / 4:15 pm

    That has got to be the saddest thing I’ve ever read…

  3. Mack Guy July 30, 2014 / 2:38 pm

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH but yeah this is kinda sad

    I’ve always had a fear of something like this happening no matter what i do..
    You handled it well.. I guess

  4. Aline October 2, 2014 / 9:43 am

    It’s been months😦 updateeee, pretty please with a cherry on top!

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