Why do people lie?
To save their ass. They’re too afraid to come out. They don’t want to own up to stealing. They’re too embarrassed they cheated. They don’t want the other person to know that that stinkin fart was theirs.
Or because they think lying will get them one step closer to what they want.
I was lookin forward to this “date” with this cute guy. We were supposed to meet in Starbucks so after work, I drove straight there. Sat inside. Went to the bathroom to see how I looked. Looked in the mirror. Jacket on? Jacket off? Practiced some smiles. Fixed the hair.
It’s not bad enough that he was late. I get a call: “Let’s go to my apartment instead”.
“I already said no. If we go to the apartment, we’re just gonna bone. And I want a date with you”.
“No, no. We’ll have dinner and we’ll just talk”.
So he picks me up. We enter the elevator. He pressed the button for his floor and exactly half a millisecond later, his tongue was down my throat.
(Security cameras are gonna have a blast with this one.)
Well this looks promising.
We enter his house. Showed me around his trendy living room for 2 minutes. We sit on the couch. And another set of tongue shoving happens. Not the romantic kind. It’s the “let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel” kind. I reciprocate for a minute. I mean he is hot. I can hear the innocent 20 year-old in me saying “DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK! THIS IS NOOTTTT A DATE”.
So I stop him for a second. “Dude, I thought this was a date. We were gonna talk…”.
“We’re talking. We’re talking”, he says while he grabs my head and touches his dick.
I can’t do talking when a dick is in my mouth. And this one might be huge. So no. I get off the couch and say: “Yo. You don’t wanna talk. You wanna fuck. Do you wanna fuck?”.
He walks to the bedroom door as a sign of “Yes”, waves his hands towards me and says: “Come on. Get in”.
I think for a minute.
I mean, I do wanna have sex. But the whole thought of a fuckin sleazy liar…pissed me off.
So I say: “Yo…if you were honest about you wanting to have sex, we would be fucking right now. So goodbye”.
I walk under the rain (I had an umbrella. Cut the dramatics) and take a cab to my car.
I make an attempt to hook up with someone else. Someone who’s honest about wanting sex. Well, that attempt was futile. I just headed home with water in my hair and a boner in my pants.
I hate liars.
Be a man. Be honest about what you want and don’t want. Maybe that’ll get you one step closer to getting you’re dick sucked.