How to Put a Condom on a Penis or Fruit

Fact: Using condoms (especially in one night stands) is a must.

Another Fact: Many idiots don’t use them.

Yet Another Fact:
Many people don’t know how to properly put them, especially in the heat of the moment.

Everyone should know how to put a condom on. (Yes, lesbians. You too. You never know where your aunt’s vibrator has been. Ekh.) So I chose a nice banana presenting the average Lebanese size. Not a far-eastern banana, nor Somali. Just pure Beiruti banana.

Step 1:

Hold that motherfucker proudly. It’s literally the fine line between your dick getting covered in shit and your dick smelling like chocolate, strawberry or mint (though mint will burn the shit out of your ass).

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Step 2:

Unwrap the condom package. Careful not to tear the condom, though.

Oh yeah… tryin to be sexy and tearing the wrap with your mouth? No bueno. (Although, guilty.)

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Step 3:

Figure out which way the condom is rolled. Either use your finger or breathe on it.

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Step 4:

Pinch the entire tip of the condom as you put it on the dick.

No air should be left inside the tip of the condom as you roll it down.

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Step 5:

You’ve rolled that condom all the way down.

Now you can ride that shit like a pony.

Needless to say, lube (and saliva) are a must.

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Step 6:

Once you cum in the condom, DON’T USE IT AGAIN in the same session (or any other session).

Like, how cheap can you be? Buy another one.

Tie it in a knot and throw it in the trash can. (Or cover it up with like 20 tissues if you live with your parents and THEN throw it).

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Step 7:

No banana should be harmed in the making of any tutorial.

Eat it after you beat it.

I personally did.

Yum.

Good old Beiruti banana (or at least I hope so).

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One thought on “How to Put a Condom on a Penis or Fruit

  1. kab1200 July 7, 2014 / 10:41 pm

    They should use this in schools, it is very clear and simple. Glad you are keeping your banana wrapped!

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