I’m not gay. I’m just metro.

I’ve been goin’ to the same barber (or “coiffure” bil lebnene) for 4 years now.

I remember the first time I went to that wozzeh.

He was quite the perfectionist.

He took his time with my haircut, down to the millimeter.

Then when he was done with the hair & I was ready to leave, he did the unexpected. He pulled my head back on the chair, took a sewing thread & started plucking my eyebrows. Then he used a tweezer to pluck the shit out of me more. I probably sneezed like 5 times.

Just when I thought he was done & got up, he pulled my head back again, he broke a cotton swab in half (or “cottoneesh” bil lebnene), put wax on each half, then put them in my nose. After a minute, he pulled out the swabs out of my nose! The Amazonian forest was officially destroyed.

I did not see that one comin!

But I do appreciate what he did! My ‘wozzeh’ coiffure opened my eyes! I really do look better with neater eyebrows! The other day, I was lookin at some old pics & I cringed at the site of the old eyebrows. Urgh…

I know what you’re probably thinking. It’s a gay thing. Only gays are concerned with this stuff.

Well…you’d be surprised.

I’m tellin you. Most of the people comin to my coiffure are straight as fuck.

And I’m actually one of the few guys who come to CUT their hair at this place.

The others (no joke) come to do facials, their eyebrows, their facial hair (3al zee7!), to remove some unwanted hair on their hands & backs, AND to constantly look in the mirror.

When those metrosexuals enter this place, they leave their gender (& gender roles) at the door.

The way they look in the mirror, those fellas are girlier than girls.

Bifouto, bizabto 7alon, byettalla3o 3al mreye ad ma baddon.

Then after they’re done, they call up their friend & say:

“shu ya ayreeeeh? dahreen 3ashiyye ma3 Sandy w Nadine?”

Gotta love those fellas…

_ _ _

pic1, pic2, pic3

6 thoughts on “I’m not gay. I’m just metro.

  1. Mish August 26, 2011 / 12:09 pm

    I don’t really like plucked eyebrows, they really give the guy a feminine look! but akid unibrows are such a turn off… just pluck them “discreetly” 😛
    and every guy is metro but some are more than the others

  2. ts August 26, 2011 / 2:11 pm

    “and every guy is metro but some are more than the others”

    “and every guy is GAY but some are more than the others” 🙂

    • Mish August 28, 2011 / 7:17 pm


  3. omar August 26, 2011 / 2:30 pm

    Hilarious! I love it, it’s beyond true.

  4. Ralph August 26, 2011 / 11:36 pm

    Wow! Love your article. Hilarious!

  5. Anonymous September 7, 2011 / 12:14 am

    Beyond awesome LOL

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