Coming Out

One of the hardest things for gay women & men to do is to “come out”.

To say “I’m gay” to a parent or a close friend is a memorable experience.

Sometimes, the response you get could come as a shock! Like, I was so worried when I came out to my best friend. I didn’t know what her reaction would be. Turns out, it was the best thing I could ever do!

Then of course, there are those moments where you get those negative reactions; your parents might kick you out of the house, or disown you.

Ultimately, I think whether the reaction you get is +ve or -ve, it’s definitely empowering.

Here are two different reactions I got when I said “I’m gay” to two people:

1) I’ll always be your friend no matter what. You are who you are.

2) I’ll always love you. Just don’t let anyone know.

What about you?

What are the +ve & -ve reactions you got from people when you came out?

& my straight folks: What did you say to a friend who came out to you?

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33 thoughts on “Coming Out

  1. Sarah March 31, 2011 / 12:32 am

    A close friend of mine blocked me off MSN and facebook and almost completely out of her life, but came back to me months later accepting.
    My best friend promised she will hook me up on a date with a beautiful beautiful girl lol.
    And of course there were the usual “I’d still wear a bikini infront of you”,”Do you think I’m hot?”, and “I don’t mind you being gay as long as you don’t touch me”
    But overall, I think coming out is an amaaaazing experience. It feels so liberating.

    I am your blog’s hugest fan,bb
    keep doing your thing!! 😀

    • BeirutBoy March 31, 2011 / 10:21 am

      Those are some mixed reactions! I think the “I’d still wear a bikini infront of you?” is hilarious. Thanks for sharing Sarah =)

  2. Ziad March 31, 2011 / 2:11 am

    My close friends loved it.
    My close family members adored it.
    My mother is in denial.

    Sums it up 😀

    • BeirutBoy March 31, 2011 / 10:23 am

      I can relate to the “mother-in-denial” =)
      Thanks for summin it up 😉

  3. Jimmy March 31, 2011 / 3:14 pm

    My university friends ” Ok cool we kinda knew it LOL ”
    My parents ” First the shock , then the denial then the long looooong path towards acceptation. Today : we just don’t talk about it and my mom tell me to be careful “

    • BeirutBoy March 31, 2011 / 3:40 pm

      That’s very similar to my mom’s reaction! We rarely talk about it now, but from time to time, whenever I go to party and she senses it’s a gay place, she’ll tell me “be careful”.

      Thanks for sharing Jimmy =)

      • Jimmy March 31, 2011 / 8:27 pm

        As for my BF , whenever I talk about him she turns suprisingly mute and deaf. When he came for a visit she couldn’t look at him in the eyes (when he left she burst into tears) whereas my dad was all welcoming and everything.

      • BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 12:21 pm

        After I came out to my mom, I thought we were cool cause she seemed OK with it. But then I realized, no, she isn’t okay. It’s just denial and pretending.

        After a couple of months, we had another talk and it was evident she wasnt okay. She told me she couldn’t sleep at night thinking about me.

  4. Anonymous March 31, 2011 / 5:23 pm

    Here are some reactions listed chronologically and given by different people:

    1. A: Does that mean you wear leather skirts?
    2. N: Was that so hard?
    3. Al: No way?! Are you kidding me? (took 15 minutes of swearing for him to believe me)
    4. K: Um, okay. So?
    5. L: I accept you, but I don’t accept the concept.
    6. Z: Have you thought of seeing a psychologist? Me: Any psychologist will tell me that you need to see one, not me! Z: Oh so I’m not the only one to think about it?
    7. Anticipated reactions of parents once my balls drop and I actually tell them: dad: you’re blocking the TV. Mom: shoots herself!

    • BeirutBoy March 31, 2011 / 6:13 pm

      That was one awesome comment! Thanks for takin the time to list them chronologically and evtg =)

      Number 5 (I accept you, but I don’t accept the concept) reminds me of the “I love you, i support you, but you won’t go to heaven!”.

  5. mi7tar March 31, 2011 / 6:31 pm

    i can’t do it … 😦

    it’s to hard 4 me to till my family about my sexualty it’s so fuckin hard 😦

    maybe when i have an independent life i’ll till them about it … maybe

    if i told them right now they are going to kick me out of the house or they are going to find a shrink or shaay5 to pray the gay away 😦

    i came out to my best friends because he found some gay porn on my laptop LOL that’s why i told him i’m gay and he is kind of Ok with it.

    • BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 12:16 pm

      Everyone who’s commenting here can understand what ur saying, including me. The hardest thing to do is to tell a parent.
      I’m glad there’s a friend who is at least “kind of” okay with it. But soon enough, you’ll have friends who are ABSOLUTELY okay with it.

  6. BiSexual March 31, 2011 / 8:53 pm

    WOWWWW an interesting topic, as usual 🙂

    as mi7tar said, I CAN’T DO IT 😦 it is not an easy task at all. we are living in a closed thinking community where such actions can create bad reactions in some situations.

    And it is more hard for me cause i am BI w currently i have a GF and a BF. i am happy with what is going on with me and my BF is understanding too. but i can’t just go to my GF ( or the world ) and say: hey, btw i am BI and i have a BF !!!!

    So, as a conclusion to what i am saying, NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT ME BEING BI 😦

    • Mi7tar April 1, 2011 / 4:08 am

      U R living @ Beirute and U couldn’t do it !!!!!

      Seriously man u r not living in Saudi Arabia or Iran , they are not going to kill U 4 your sexuality .

      Add this 2 ur list I love beirout becase if i’m straight or gay it doesn’t matter, I’ll be a life anyway .

      • BiSexual April 2, 2011 / 10:17 am

        yeah, it is a little bit surprising specially that Beirut is considered the most open minded Arab country regarding such subject but do not forget that other issues ( religion, culture ) can affect your going out !

        thanks for reading my post there 🙂

    • BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 12:31 pm

      to BiSexual:

      It all takes time.

      There’s a saying: “The truth always comes out”. What do u think of it?

      • BiSexual April 2, 2011 / 11:52 am

        everything takes time dear BB 🙂

        i like this quote but i do not think that it can be implemented in our case 😀

        sometimes, the truth comes out and sometimes it DON’T 😦

  7. Ali March 31, 2011 / 9:04 pm

    My friends all said the same thing, basically a variation of “I knew it!”. My mom said nothing and went all silent and solemn, although now she somewhat accepts me. But things are still tense-we just had a fight because I told her I want to be completely out when I go abroad for college next year.

    • BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 12:36 pm

      If I were in ur mother’s (or my mother’s) shoes, I don’t think I would react differently. I totally understand their reaction.
      10x 4 sharing Ali

  8. Mish March 31, 2011 / 11:19 pm

    1.My best friend was totally understanding and since then i tell her everything about my gay life.
    2.A past friend turned into an enemy, bcoz we had a huge fight when he tried to make fun of me. even if it was a joke i couldn’t accept his reaction.
    3.mum tried showing that she’s open minded. we had many many endless talks and she always wanted me to change. then a day came where i couldn’t take all the investigations anymore so i told her that i’m not bi coz the lebanese gay community sucks and that i have a gf. since then my life is way better :p
    i consider coming out once i’m financially independent and when i find a guy that i’d like to share the rest of my life with.

    lovely topic btw ❤

    • BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 12:42 pm

      “i’m not bi coz the lebanese gay community sucks”. haha!
      I understand why u ‘changed ur story’ for ur mom. Sometimes u gotta do what u gotta do. But I donno…they say “A mother always knows”. Donno how true that is in ur case. Or maybe denial goes a long way?…
      10x 4 sharin ur stories Mish! 😉

      • Mish April 2, 2011 / 9:52 pm

        well she once told my X “7ametak ma bet7ebbak”, but i think she’s in denial

  9. Asquared April 1, 2011 / 12:44 am

    Most of my friends couldn’t wait till I came out to them , so when I did they were very happy because basically they all had a feeling.. So most of the reactions were : FINALLY! Except for one.. She was like I love you so much and it’s not gonna change anything between us BUT I feel sorry for you ( because I’m not gonna go to heaven in her opinion ) and for your parents ..and the drama went on for a couple of months so we’re not as close as before now.

    As for my parents and family I didn’t choose to come out to them. Long story short, someone who knew about me told someone in my family who told my parents. So my parents confronted me and I couldn’t lie to them so I told them I was gay. Of course, they freaked out, made me go to a shrink , tried to change me, lived in denial etc.. But now that they realized that it’s something you’re born with, they learned to live with it although we NEVER talk about it now. But when I first admitted to them that I was gay my father told me that I would always be his son, no matter what and hugged me ( even though I knew it wasn’t something he liked or was ok with and even though he wanted me to see a shrink it made me feel a lot better ).
    I didn’t choose to come out to my parents but if I knew that after a couple of months ( after all the drama ended) I was going to be this relieved and much stronger I would have definitely told them myself!

    • Mi7tar April 1, 2011 / 3:58 am

      I’m so happy 4 U it’s an amazing coming out story thx 4 shearing it with us 🙂 .

    • BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 1:02 pm

      To Asquared:

      I get u. Sometimes, you’re “outed” instead of “coming out”. But in the end, you’re more empowered.

      And about the friend saying you’re not gonna go to heaven…I remember that situation with my friend. We were rly close and I would tell her about my dates and evtg. She was cool about me being gay. Then one day, we were talkin about religion. She’s religious but still, I was surprised that she thought I was going to hell. Not that I am religious or anything, or care about what religious ppl have to say, but still I cared about what she thought of me. You know?

      Thanks A.A. for being so honest and sharing ur story. =)

      • Asquared April 1, 2011 / 3:18 pm

        Yeah of course, it’s always empowering but I would have liked it if I had the choice to come out to my family. It all happened in an ugly way..
        As for my friend, I didn’t mind her thinking that I was going to hell because she has her own beliefs and she’s free to think in that way even though I disagree. But the thing that used to irritate me the most is the amount of times she would bring the subject up and the sorry looks she used to give me while telling me that I’m gonna suffer a lot and sometimes she would start CRYING! I mean bitch, please! It’s enough that I had to deal with my parents’ drama and depression at the time!
        You’re most welcome ! I look forward to sharing other stories 😉

  10. BeirutBoy April 1, 2011 / 12:14 pm

    Quote: “What about AIDS? Won’t you get AIDS? You’re GAY!”

  11. Jimmy April 1, 2011 / 9:51 pm

    @Asquared
    Well , honestly you should seriously reconsider this “friendship” O_o

    • Asquared April 2, 2011 / 12:12 am

      Lol we’re not really friends anymore as I said..

  12. Grit April 4, 2011 / 8:50 pm

    I got 8 people ticked on my out list.

  13. E April 21, 2011 / 6:13 pm

    My sisters and friends were cool with it, although my sisters were like ‘dont let mum find out’ (religious and will probably cause her a heartattacked). Then again I was born and raised in Sydney so most people here are accepting of homosexuality.

    • BeirutBoy April 23, 2011 / 7:58 pm

      Maybe when you come back to Leb, there will be a bit of a culture shock then =P

      • E April 26, 2011 / 7:22 am

        I was there last summer, had a blast and surprised at how things have changed over the years there.

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