– There are no straight men. Only men who have not met Jack.
– I can’t believe I’m 30. Do you know how much that is in gay years?
– Women, can’t live with them… end of sentence.
– His name is Paul and he is cute with a capital Q!
– Will, I told you. You live with a hetero long enough, you’re going to catch it.
– I don’t care if he’s rich or poor, fat or thin, as long as he’s rich and thin.
– Je suis Fatty Gay!
– Guys don’t make passes at guys with fat asses.
– A gentleman always eats like a lady.
– Makin’ someone gay is exhausting. I don’t know how my mother did it.
– What, a guy sleeps with guys and immediately he’s pegged as gay?
– I hope there’s someone cute on the elevator. I’d love a deep, committed relationship for thirty floors or so.
– Oh… My… Cher!
and my favorite
– Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had intended man and woman to be together he would have given them both penises.