Hating on the B in LGBTQ

In Lebanon, many gay people say they’re bisexual because they think the “bisexual” label is still more tolerable than the “gay” label.

Fucked up, but true.

Personally, when I was still uncomfortable calling myself “gay”, I used to say I was bisexual, because I thought that as bad as bisexuality was, it wasn’t half as bad as being gay.

That’s why I’m skeptical whenever a Lebanese guy says to me “I’m bisexual”. “Must be gay in denial”, I think to myself.

I think that’s why actual bisexual people (people who are truly attracted to both women and men) are often stereotyped by members of the gay community as “gay in denial”.

But just because a lot of gay people pretend to be bisexual, doesn’t mean all bisexuals are gay in denial.

It certainly doesn’t mean we should hate on the B in LGBT.

It’s sad when members of the LGBTQ community hate on members within that same community.  Isn’t the discrimination from ignorant people outside of the community enough?

And what about my gays who discriminate against bisexuals because they can’t understand how a penis would be into a woman’s vagina and a guy’s asshole at the same time?

Well, just because you can’t understand that, it doesn’t mean that’s not how it is for bisexual people.

In fact, gay people, out of all people, should understand, because they’re always harassed by people who just can’t understand how a woman can be with a woman, and how a man can be with a man.

What do YOU think?


pic – pic

23 thoughts on “Hating on the B in LGBTQ

  1. bahaahe February 23, 2011 / 2:51 pm

    L G B Or T …. Be proud and honest in what you are….

  2. Lebanon Rebel February 23, 2011 / 3:18 pm

    You know, I guess this should sound a bit of a revelation for my own readers who would probably come across this but I’m not gay in denial except now that time’s going by I’m starting to doubt my bisexuality. I’m starting to think I actually might be gay, mostly since my attraction to men stops right around the waist, if you know what I mean. Then again I came across quite a few straight guys that would make anyone hate men (for example; my engaged cousin last week telling me that he’s secretly going out with this chick behind his fiance’s back, etc), straight men do have a tendency to be assholes; oh well, more reasons to adore gay guys at least a girl can trust ’em even if there’s no way in hell we can get anywhere beyond frienship with them but I’d take that anyday. But I know what you’re talking about because of my bestfriend, now if he sees this he might freak out but I doubt that’ll happen, he has a manjam account, and another account elsewhere that I didn’t even know about till I told him about my sexuality and that I’m dating a chick I actually wanna spend the rest of my life with, now we ‘fangirl’ together over Robert De Niro and Jude law and such but if I try to get him to admit to being gay, or bi, or either, he’d just say he’s entertaining himself not more but I doubt it, I doubt it to the extreme because no straight guy would ‘entertain’ himself meeting guys on Manjam, not a Lebanese one at least. What do you think?

    • BeirutBoy February 23, 2011 / 9:00 pm

      Thank u for ur honesty and for sharing your own thoughts on this issue L.R.!

      Concernin ur best friend, I think he’s bisexual or gay, because I don’t think straight men would want to try Manjam out 😛
      He just needs some time to come out of the closet and say “I’m gay” to himself and then to you.
      Or maybe he will do what many Lebanese gay men do:
      1st- say “I’m just entertaining myself/experimenting”
      2nd- come out as bisexual
      3rd- finally come out as gay

  3. A Bare Truth February 23, 2011 / 3:49 pm

    Sad day it is when discriminated discriminate others for being different

    • BeirutBoy February 26, 2011 / 4:28 pm

      Indeed. And it’s very common too!

  4. R.E.S.P.E.C.T February 23, 2011 / 4:46 pm

    i say aren’t there enough people hatin on every single letter in LGBTQ?

    B is there so what every member needs is to respect the choice of the other just like LGTQ fight for their own rights to “BE” (READ IT OUT LOUD) why can’t the B?

  5. Max February 23, 2011 / 7:43 pm

    Hey the B.B. Love reading your posts…some funny, some serious, but mostly INTERESTING!!! As far as this topic is concerned…I say “What’s up with all the damn labels?” The sooner we all get past putting labels on everyone the sooner we will start to take each individual as a unique beings, with their own special “story” Viva La Differance!!! Bisous, Max en Amerique

    • BeirutBoy February 23, 2011 / 9:16 pm

      You’re right…

      But I think even if there was no such thing as a “bisexual” label, a “straight” label, and a “gay” label…people would STILL discriminate against each other, cause they just won’t understand how “a man can be with a man”, “a man can be with a woman AND a man”, “man can be with a woman”, “man can be with a man who WAS a woman”…

  6. Music freak February 23, 2011 / 11:13 pm

    I just can’t understand how a man can love a man and a woman at the same time.
    It is a fact that every single human being has both tendencies for men and women but there’s always one side that beats the other,m not saying i hate bi-s, i don’t hate anyone and I CERTAINLY don’t discriminate anyone except the smart from the dum or the gentleman from the asswhole but that’s a whole another issue, but according to me it is not possible to be with a relationship with a guy n then with a girl, call me stupid but my brain just can’t understand this concept, you either love a man or a woman, u can’t love BOTH.

    • BeirutBoy February 26, 2011 / 4:20 pm

      Maybe we should look at it this way:

      the bisexual person is loving a PERSON. Let’s not look at the GENDER.

      Yeah so after having a relationship with a girl, he fell in love with a guy. So?

      I don’t think that means he’s not turned on by women anymore just because he’s IN a relationship with a man…

  7. This is Beirut February 24, 2011 / 10:25 am

    I want to see you address the commonly held notion that women can be bi-sexual but men cannot..Coz a man has sex with a man,,there is no going back to women..but women can fool around and have sex with women (I know many girls who have done this) but still really be into men..and will only ever end up with a man..

    • BeirutBoy February 24, 2011 / 10:51 am

      That’s a very interesting point u raised Dani!

      A girl can make out with a girl during a wile night of partying and her boyfriend will think it’s sexy. No big deal.
      A guy makes out with his friend and his girl will dump his ass cause no straight man would do that.

      There’s a double standard for sure!

  8. laavventura February 24, 2011 / 5:07 pm

    Should just be about respect. Leave the labels out of it. WE are all the same people, we bleed the same blood, we may have different morals and backgrounds but in the end we are one race. Nice blog.

    • BeirutBoy February 26, 2011 / 4:13 pm

      Nicely said L’Avventura. We’re all different in many things, but at the end of the day, we’re the same.
      10x 4 the comment!

  9. Karim N. February 24, 2011 / 8:48 pm

    Well bisexuals have to choose one day right?
    I mean.. If there are looking for a long-term relationship, it will either be with a man or a woman. Can’t date both at the same time.

    And when they find The One and fall in love and bla bla… They will choose and decide wether they are gay or straight, right?

    Well, maybe I do not understand this, but I do respect bisexuals because I do understand the confusion, the pain & the discrimination.

    Another interesting post! Thank you 🙂

    • BeirutBoy February 26, 2011 / 4:26 pm

      Like I said to MusicFreak, if we looked at it as “dating a person” not “dating a girl or boy”, it would make more sense.

      10x 4 sharing ur thoughts on this Karim!

  10. Joaquin February 28, 2011 / 8:59 pm

    wow, an interesting topic dear 🙂

    just wanted to say that i am a BI person ( engaged and have a BF ) and YES I DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR BOTH otherwise i would not be with anyone of them !!!

    @ karim, you are right. i am looking for a long relationship and at the end i will choose one of them but not in that sense that you are talking about!

    to be honest, i will be obliged to choose the girl cause and as we all know, this is not the US, this is Lebanon and in Lebanon i can not marry a guy !!! so, i will be marrying the girl but at the same time, i will be with my BF who is thanks to GOD has an open minded thinking. he will be my close friend ( in her eyes ) and my boyfriend at the same time.

    this is how i think about it and i am happy with my life 🙂

    • BeirutBoy February 28, 2011 / 9:21 pm

      You definitely raised a controversial point: marrying a girl for the sake of society. We will be talking about that one soon.

      Thanks for ur comment Joaquin =)

    • semsom February 28, 2011 / 9:41 pm

      hummmm.. well all of is a big confusion.I respect gays and bisexuals ..i don´t discriminate them ..it´s actually ironic if they discriminate each other.besides what´s the difference in saying whether u r gay or bi …lebanese would judge u anyways..lol.I think being bi brings more complications having to deal with man and women ..i hardly can cope with men.

      Love the article and it´s picture

  11. Kevin (Ket) March 3, 2011 / 8:30 am

    The idea that bisexuals are just gays in denial is widespread and there was a time period I wondered if that was me. But I found that explanation so dissatisfying, as if I would be putting a limitation on myself that I knew just wasn’t me.

    A reply here mentioned that, eventually, you would have to “decide” or “choose” (I don’t like that choice of wording) to be gay or straight when it comes to long term relationships. But I don’t think it’s a difficult concept to understand.

    It’s about being able to envision yourself in a long term, satisfying relationship with either a man or woman. Or you’ve fantasized about both men and women (not necessarily at the same time, bisexuals aren’t necessarily into threesomes). If you end up in relationship with one, you still find the other sexy too. And I believe in being honest about it. If I end up marrying a woman one day, it would be a woman who can accept that her husband also finds men sexy, while also being astute enough to know that doesn’t mean I’m gonna cheat on her with men.

    I think that’s why there is such lack of visibility of bisexual men though. Many of them may be in committed relationships with women. Homophobic society the way it is, they have a lot to lose by admitting they are also attracted to men. Unfortunately, people who stay in the closet inadvertently do a disservice to all LGBT people. Note- I don’t know how things are in Lebanon. I’m in the United States.

    • BeirutBoy March 3, 2011 / 10:16 pm

      Thank you very much for your gr8 comment Kevin. I totally agree with you!

      I donno why many people think bisexuals are more prone to cheat on their partners. Cheating happens with all kinds of couples, gay, straight AND bi !

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