1] One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
2] My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
3] I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren’t a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But…I’m a loving, spiritual person.
4] Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
5] Procrastinate now. Don’t put it off.
6] I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me – they’re just, like, ‘I can’t believe you don’t remember me!” I’m like, ‘Oh Dad I’m sorry!’.
7] Just go up to somebody on the street and say “You’re it!” and just run away.
8] People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
9] I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that’s where us gay people come from… you heterosexuals.
10] I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
11] Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
Photograph for TIME by Firooz Zahedi